Game Review: Far Cry 5 – A Love Letter to Joseph Seed

Joseph,

By now you’ve heard that John is dead and Holland Valley is almost 100% free of your Bliss mongers and “children”. Do you truly believe God chose you as a prophet? That the world is ending and that you are destined to save your “people”, if you can even call them that. After what you and your “Heralds” did to them…. I’m not so sure they even count as that anymore.

I will come for you. Like I stated above, John is dead…

First off, Thank you for even taking the time to read this trash I call a review.

If you’ve not had the chance (or maybe you live under a rock.. Who knows! I’m not one to judge.. ) to look into Far Cry 5, you truly are missing out on one of the best games of the year (in my HUMBLE opinion).

I know… I know… you’ve been sucked into Monster Hunter World or one of the MANY, many lost souls playing Fortnite. Trust me on this one, Far Cry 5 is worth giving a look. So get your ass down to Redbox and get you a copy. However, if the above statement doesn’t convince you enough (it wasn’t that great of an attempt anyway…) to want to enter the wild lands of Montana, then please continue reading the “love letter” (so to speak) to Joseph Seed about his Brother, John Seed and his loyal Zealots in Holland Valley and my little snippet on gameplay and such… ENJOY!

Now, to talk about what most of you really want to know… Game play. Weapons. Vehicles…

If you were one of the ones who ordered the Gold edition, then congratulations. You paid additional money for things you can acquire in the game after a little time of play (However, there are a couple exclusive items that you can still purchase in-game with real money should you feel you need them… ) but in all honesty, the real reason why the gold edition is worth it, is due to getting Far Cry 3, Classic Edition. This is a solid goodie for anyone who loves the franchise.

Game play is fairly smooth… only a few issues/glitches that we ran into while playing CO-OP (Yes. You read that right. This game is FULL CO-OP. You and your buddies can go around murdering cult members and baddies! SO FUN!). And of course… the random hilarity that ensues when a NPC decides to steal your buddy’s helicopter while you’re still inside. As for the issues we ran into, it was the usual screen loading freeze when going into Arcade mode with friends as well as NPC’s teleporting in front of you after you’ve already shot them point blank in the head 3 miles back (no, I’m not referring to the “Angels”). The controls are also pretty standard to most shooters, which is nice for us seasoned players. However, there are options should you need to find something that works better for you. What I didn’t like at the start, was when you are driving ANY vehicle, you stay in first person. This annoys the F*** out of me and even causes me to get dizzy at times when trying to fly a damn plane. So… yeah, Ubisoft… maybe look into that.

Since I mentioned Angels above, let’s discuss them a bit. Angels were civilians that were taken and injected with high amounts of chemicals, referred to as “bliss.” The principal ingredient appears to be moon flower (Datura Stramonium), a plant with white flowers that has hallucinogenic properties. The angels are mostly found within Faith’s region, as she was in charge of creating these monsters. In turn… they are fairly similar to zombies but have a very high tolerance for pain and take a little more work to destroy them.

As for the weapons….

There really isn’t anything to call out yet. At least that I have come across. For the most part, the weapons are just, MEH.

I will call out how much fun it is to use remote mines and dynomite. Especially on unsuspecting baddies….. Or your friends.

My favorite loadout for slaughter is as follows:

.44 magnum with optical sight

45/70-T action rifle w/tactical scope and suppressor

SBS double barrel shotty w/optical sight (Hello, BAD BOY)

Compound Bow w/Marksman sight

Remote mines, sticky Dynamite, throwing knives and a shovel.

My favorites….

Jess Black. She’s my favorite and she’s a BEAST of an archer. Chick can take out pretty much anything you set a target too and be stealthy about it. Jess is sort of… rough around the edges. She had a pretty rough upbringing and ended up running away to live with her badass Nana, who happened to be a hardcore prepper and survivalist (so you can pretty much guess where Jess gets a lot of her fire and skill from). Her Nan had little patience for Jess’ outbursts and wild ways…. But, she managed to straighten her out with her “no nonsense” ways and showing Jess how to live off the land. After her Nan passes… she decides to go back to living with her parents and that’s pretty much when the shit hit the fan with Eden’s Gate.

Then we have Cheeseburger.

Cheeseburger is one of my favs… simply because he’s a BEAR and a fucking SWEET bear, at that. His story goes a little like this: He was found as a cub eating food from a dumpster behind some food joint (cheeseburgers, obviously). Sadly, he was left to fend for himself due to his mother being murdered by poachers. Thankfully Wade Fowler rescued him and brought him home to the F.A.N.G. center, a sanctuary for threatened animals. Sadly.. After all of the Edens gate nonsense started, it became known to Wade that Joseph (AKA: Crazy self proclaimed prophet of bullshit) wanted Cheeseburger for his “experiments” so Wade had no choice then to let C.B. loose… that’s where we come in. Once you’ve got him rescued, he’s yours to use as you wish… and let me.tell you, you wanna use this bad boy. He not only is huge and aggressive, he rips enemies apart like they’re fabric. It surely is a sight to see.

Last, but certainly not least, we have my stealthy murdering feline, Peaches.

Peaches is a force to be reckoned with and she is out to make her targets obsolete (if not just tear them into pieces so bad no one could recognize them). She was raised by a mean older woman named “Miss Mable” (she calls on you to go find her) which is where most think she got her viciousness from. She isn’t shy when it comes to getting up close and personal with her prey. Don’t believe me? Just set her target and watch her sneak up and throw them around like a rag doll. It’s a glorious sight to see.

The “Specialists”:

These are alliances that you need to save in different regions of the game. Once you save these people, they are willing to help you take out the Seed clan and Edens Gate without question. Obviously, the fact that they are called “Specialists” gives you the idea that each one of these characters has something they specialize in. There are 9 to choose from, and you bet your ass I have my favorites (Jess, Peaches and Cheeseburger). BUT, just because they’re my favorite… doesn’t mean they’re the best. I just prefer them because of their “banter”. However, I feel Hurk should get an honorable mention since he was in Far Cry 3 and his dialogue is hilarious, especially when you pair him with a female NPC or an animal.… I’ll let your imagination figure it out.

Joseph,

… Now, you’re probably wondering, who’s next? Your older cannibal brother, Jacob? Or your adopted sister, Faith? If that is even her REAL name. I guess you’ll just have to find out, won’t you. However… this can all be stopped, if you just turn yourself in and end “Project at Eden’s Gate” once and for all; But we both know you aren’t smart enough to do that.

I guess I’ll just have to exterminate every… single… last one of you. Oh, and don’t worry… I’ll make sure you witness all of it before I kill you, slowly.

– Deputy

So with all that’s been said… its definitely a game I would check out, especially if you like any of the following games: Assassins Creed, Tomb Raider, Uncharted, The Witcher and others of the like.

For more information on Far Cry 5, visit here: https://far-cry.ubisoft.com/